Breaking up is never easy, whether it is a romantic relationship or friendship. On top of that, ghosting is like the cherry on top of a breakup, and let me tell you…I hate cherries.
I’ve never understood how someone can cut another person off so drastically and suddenly. Instead of being treated like a human being and given an explanation, you are ghosted. It’s not a new phenomenon, and it certainly doesn’t discriminate. We generally think of ghosting as it applies to a romantic relationship, but have you ever been ghosted by a friend?
One minute they’re there, next thing you know…POOF, they’re gone. It’s a terrible magic act. Communication ceases to exist – texts left unanswered, calls sent straight to voicemail and social media messages never returned. The person who you were once close to, acts as if your relationship never existed, like it was nothing more than a false friendship. It’s as if you meant absolutely nothing to them, like you were just a blip in their life.
When being ghosted, your first reaction is to look inward and question what you did wrong. It leads you to replay the last conversation you had with them, examining every little detail under a microscope. You search yourself trying to find what pushed them away. Questions begin to flood your mind – How can I fix this? Why aren’t they answering? Do they even care anymore? However, no matter how many questions you ask and how many times you reach out, all you find is radio silence. They have decided that they will put their own selfish needs first and either forget or downright ignore that you are a living, breathing human who has feelings and in many cases is looking for an answer. And that’s what makes ghosting so difficult; there’s no closure. It leads you to feel as if you’ve lost them forever, but they’re still alive.
Since those who ghost don’t have the human decency to be honest and provide closure, here are a few words to help you close the chapter yourself. Whether it was a romantic relationship or friendship, your feelings of loss are valid. Being ghosted weighs heavily on the heart and mind, so don’t be so tough on yourself when you start thinking of the person who isn’t thinking of you. But I’m here to tell you that you deserve so much more than someone lacking the emotional maturity and ability to own up to their feelings. Your ghost’s reckless disregard may leave you thinking that you aren’t worthy enough for an explanation, but that isn’t the case. We all deserve piece of mind. Unfortunately, we don’t always get what we deserve. But despite it all, you will get through it with love and dignity to spare. There are grander things ahead of you.
I must admit that I myself have a ghost. When I think of my so called “friend,” the conflicting emotions of bitterness, anger and sadness arise. So I’d like to end with a few words directed to my ghost…
You know who you are.
The whole idea of ghosting should just make like its definition and disappear, but sadly you’re one of the ones keeping it alive.
Life changed you. You changed, and I can’t say it’s for the better because I have no idea where this is coming from. I no longer know you.
You’re probably going through a lot, but does it really have to be this way? Do you even understand how much this hurts? Do you even care? It’s ok to take care of yourself and put yourself first, but is it really okay to do it at the cost of someone else’s emotions? And without any explanation or goodbye?
You always used to ask me, “How’s your soul?” Well, let me tell you how my soul is and how I’m feeling. You hurt me, and you continue to hurt me. I valued our friendship more than you will ever truly realize, but now you’re nothing more than a stranger. I hope time will wear away my desire for answers, but I still wish I knew what happened.
However, despite the hurt you’ve inflicted, I still wish you nothing but the best. I’ve always known that God has beautiful things in store for you. So even if we never speak again, remember to be fair not only to yourself, but also to others. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:32) Be a human, not a ghost.